Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's a Sun Shiny Day...

I woke up this morning feeling wonderful, like all is right with the world.  I hopped out of bed, made pancakes for the kids, and got the oldest two off to school.  This sounds like it might be a normal day for a mom, but it wasn't too long ago that I didn't have the energy to even think about making pancakes.  When my kids woke up and saw that I had cooked for them they seemed shocked.  PTLS robs us of so many things, but I realized today that it had also robbed my children of the loving mother that they had before I made the mistake of having the tubal done.  I used to do so many things with my kids.  I love them more than anything in this world, but I literally checked out of their lives after the tubal.  I went through the motions, but I really wasn't there for them.  I was lucky that my husband was great with kids and he took over.  He was the primary caregiver for my youngest after she was born because I was in so much pain.  She bonded with him and still prefers daddy to mommy if she has a choice of who to be with.  It was if I was an outsider in my own family.  I would watch them playing in the backyard, but I didn't want to join.  It was like part of me just wasn't there anymore.  I think one of the best things to come out of my tubal reversal is that I finally feel like I am back in my own body.  I am able to look at my kids and really see them.  I laugh at their jokes.  I am present, and I don't want to miss a thing!

2 comments:

  1. Oh i so know that disconnected feeling.... it was horrible, but not controllable! I also felt so much more connected to them, as soon as I walked through the door after the reversal!.... yay!!

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  2. I was in so much discomfort. She insured with him and still wants father to mother if she has a option of who to be with.
    tubal ligation reversal

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